NA · HERALD–GUARDIAN · EST. 2021 · UNRANKED IN SPIRIT
North America's most feared Herald guild. We buy Divine Rapier first item, dive fountain at minute three, and have never once known where Roshan is. Apply today. Standards are low.
CLAPS: 0
PLEASE WAIT... CLAPPIN CHEEKZ
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Members (12 active)
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Guild win rate %
0
Couriers fed
0
Tournament wins
Our five most reliable players, in that they reliably show up 10 minutes late. Plus a sixth, because somebody has to be pos 6. Plus two more we found in Discord. Positions are fixed. Skill is not. Open a dossier if you want the numbers — they are worse than the jokes.
Nobody's watching the replay. Generate an excuse instead — it's faster, and it's usually more convincing than the truth.
Click the button. We'll think of something.
Excuses generated: 0
Five rules. Break one and the guild lead posts your KDA in #shame. Ours are already there.
Nobody has bought one since 2022 and our win rate hasn't moved. Correlation is not causation, but it sure is convenient.
"That Blink was early" is feedback. "Why did you buy Blink on Crystal Maiden" is also feedback. She still builds it.
Scrims are Tue/Thu 9pm EST. We usually start at 9:40 once someone wakes up BigWes137. Ghosting a stack twice means nothing, we've all done it.
If you hit Guardian you're put on probation. If you hit Crusader you're traded to a real team. Two players have escaped. We don't speak of them.
Win or (far more likely) lose, the post-game voice channel stays on for five minutes. Blame the support. Then queue again.
They pay us in exposure. We pay them back in embarrassment. Everyone wins. Well, they do.
*All sponsors listed are entirely fictional and not affiliated with any real beverage, mattress, airline, furniture, or energy drink company. Please do not attempt to redeem the free hydration.
Games for the queue. All the skill expression of our ranked matches, none of the report button.
Our tribute to Valve's Nest of Thorns. Pick a Herald, survive the courtyard swarm, draft abilities every level, and slap Roshan for the Aegis. Permanent talents between runs — the guild's first game with actual depth, unlike our drafts.
Click when the fight starts. The slower you react, the more you belong here.
Slap cheeks. Buy upgrades. Hire Vane's alt accounts to clap for you.
Slap enemy couriers. Not ours. You'll slap ours.
A real tower defense. Build it, upgrade it, watch Roshan walk through it anyway.
Waves of creeps. One Ancient. Four AFK teammates. Slap for your life.
We recruit anyone. Fill in the form and a guild officer will invite you to a tryout scrim, which you'll pass, because there is no bar. Herald preferred. Guardians considered if you promise to get worse.